In light of all the recent award shows and red carpet hikes of our friends in Hollywood, I want to take a moment to go over something that isn’t being talked about at all…WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE WEARING?!?!?! I like to think of myself as mildly fashionable, but some of what these stars are schlepping down those colored carpets wearing has me scratching my head while it’s cocked precariously to one side. It seems the fashion industry has run into the same problem as the movie industry that is cranking out the disposable and quite forgettable movies these stars are in: There’s no new terrain. Where can they go from here? Did the fashion designers and professional stylists steal moneys from the local zoo, get them high on nitrous oxide, and turn them loose in a cheap fabric store?! Pushing the envelope and taking risks is all part of the art involved in fashion, but when the only risks are a nip slip or having their gynecologist call them with a diagnosis just from watching them perform on TV…those are risks that are NOT the ones worth taking. I’m not saying that every outfit swishing from a limo to a movie premier is a failure. There has been many a textile win in recent months…but the failures of people dressed like they fell into the dumpster behind Walmart and just hitched a ride to the celebrity event in question from the garbage truck driver are overshadowing the folks who are getting it right. My two cents? No matter how toned your midriff is, it is still tacky to bare it on the red carpet (unless they have installed a fashion runway directly on the beach, in which case…why aren’t we seeing more butt cheek?!). Plunging necklines and sky high hemlines are great things, but not together…unless, of course, you rushed to the red carpet from your part time job at the strip club. Lastly, every person, no matter their shape or physical attractiveness level, can achieve class and beauty. It takes attention to detail, and on objective but not critical eye, and a damn shower…pull it together guys! You make, like, $90 billion a year and you can’t be bothered to touch up your freaking highlights or get a beard trim? I know you can do it. I have faith in you…and also, I have more important things to worry about…like our country teetering on the precipice of World War 3…so, in summation, I guess I really couldn’t care less what you wear…I just needed a good rant to get my mind off this Syria mess for a minute! Thanks.
Live from the Roseburg Honda Studio
